You Deserve Better

You Deserve Better

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Its true. We probably all struggle with this thought at some point, or even quite often in our lives. Its something we may catch ourselves thinking.... or even saying out loud to our partner. Its one of the many ways that we trap ourselves in a passive stance of making ourselves seem less than others. Many people could chalk it all up to a pessimistic or otherwise negative attitude, however even the most positive people can struggle with this thought pattern. 

What we may, or may not realize, is this can be either a comparison to others and yourself, or a misconstrued vision of wanting the best for your partner. 

Relationships aren't always sunshine and rainbows. Building a home takes hard work, love, and dedication to the project. There will be a few short-cut boards here and there that have to be replaced. The truth is, we should really take a step back and think about our relationships up to this point.

I personally struggle with a dependency disorder (also known as Borderline Personality) and high anxiety. Its a challenge for me to take that step back and look at a full perspective. Usually, people who say this have the best intentions, I know I did. You genuinely want what is best for the person that holds your heart, even if what is best isn't you. But.... what if that person is genuinely happy? How do you know? 

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Lets start with a smile. Facial expressions alone can tell a lot about someone. Is their smile genuine when they are expressing enjoyment of time spent with you? In your mind, it may express "well....anyone can fake a smile"...what about their laugh? Or even better, are you comfortable with being yourself around this person, and does this person hold nothing back? Genuine trust in a relationship is something that is built and requires constant maintenance, but you both should always feel comfortable being yourselves. Love doesn't come as one size fits all either. 

Can you find at least one thing that you enjoy doing together? A misconception about healthy relationships is that couples have to do everything together. In fact, separateness is actually a welcoming thing for relationships in a Psychology standpoint. Common interests can bring you together. 

For example, I take more of a housewife role being as I enjoy cleaning, cooking, working with my daughter, crafts, blogging, penny pinching, caring for our pets, and sometimes drawing. My fiance enjoys gaming (in multiple forms), disc golf, and hanging out with friends. We spend time away while he is working, on Sundays through warmer weather for disc golf, and a night or two a week for him to hang out with his friend and be a geek down the road. I have always been welcome to tag along, I just have no interests to. Things we do together are camping in the summer, some games we play together, binge watch anime, cuddle (lots of cuddles), and just genuinely goof off and enjoy one another's company. Its actually refreshing. I have learned to love just his company while he games on his computer on the other end of the couch while I am blogging. 

What I am trying to say here is, it is about being together but knowing how to separate yourselves. If you give this your all, why would your partner deserve any better? 

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There will be those times that you can take the step back and look at your partner and deep down can see yourself with them forever. Focusing on the drawbacks of negativity "you deserve better", should almost seem insulting to your partner's intellect. Don't try to trap them in this loop, don't trap yourself. If they didn't want to be with you, they most likely would never have been. Find yourself deserving. Find your own gems that rest inside of your soul. Embrace them. Its worth it to put the efforts of pushing to say "you deserve better" to be better served saying "WE did it."